The healing Process

We have identified our point of stress or trauma and have realized that we want to be free from it and all that it brings. We have held up our hands owned our issue and now we want to get back to joy and peace again. But it looks impossible that we can ever be happy again. How can such a horrific thing ever be forgotten? Is it possible for me to leave the past behind? Even thinking about it makes you panic. Is it worth it?
You certainly don't want to visit the event with all its gory details and so thinking about it makes you irritable and stressed.
This is already a tell tale sign that this issue if not dealt with will irrupt in the most surprising manner whether in you or in your children. Better deal with it now or deal with a bigger problem later. This issue can lead to a mental health problem if left to fester.
So what we can do is take baby steps towards total freedom from the fear and the despair it has plagued you with since it happened.
The very first step will be to admit it to yourself.
Then tell yourself that you deserve peace and joy. Yes you certainly do and this thing cannot come and rob you of that and spoil your future.
Now you need to reach out for help. There are all kinds of help out there both online and in your community. The help offered on this blog is the spiritual type. It is also the biblical type. This is the Forgiveness route. If you will like to try this route then please read on. I would like to tell you my story here so you know why I choose this route of healing.
I come from a background where I saw a lot of spousal abuse  as a child. I had parents who loved me and my siblings very much but who had not found love in each other's eyes. So there was infidelity, hurt pain, alcoholism to deaden the pain of betrayal and both parents trying to make the other look like the bad one to us. This was very stressful on us as children. As a result each of my siblings choose their own way of coping with this stress. One decided she will never get married. Another turned to self harm, another to smoking and alcohol etc,
I became a Christian at 13. I found that God gave me the peace I lacked in my home. I therefore tried very hard as a young teen not to take sides but I could not shut my eyes to the pain my mother suffered in the hands of my father and the other women. So even though I forgave my father (or thought I did because it was the christian thing to do) all through my adult life I kept having the same dream repeatedly. Now I was my father's favorite and I loved him to bits. I really loved my father so this was so difficult for me as a child. Anyway the dream was this; I would see my father with another woman in my dream and I will be overwhelmed with wrath. I will be so angry I will do anything to see them separated. This happened for many years and I was still in the dark as to why I kept having this dream. As far as I was concerned I had forgiven my dad so I could not see why I was having this dream. Then one day I had this same dream and this time my father was in a car with another woman. The wrath took over me and I was like the incredible hulk. I had the mother of all road rage. I took a huge wooden pole and smashed the windscreen of the car. I was in such rage and I could see my father was very upset with me. Suddenly I woke up. So I knew I had a problem. I decided to ask God what the dream meant. He told me that my Father was very angry with me and I had never forgiven the women in his life for making our lives such a misery growing up. He asked me to take hold of my pillow as a representative of every woman that had caused me such heartache and to tell them in detail what they had done and how it had affected me. I must then tell them I forgave them and pray for them to be blessed. This was very difficult because it meant reliving the pain of my childhood But I decided to to so. To cut a long story short lets just say that my pillow wash drenched with the tears of an inner child releasing her demons from the past. I noticed that as I explained to each offender by name and forgave them and prayed a blessing for them I began to understand their own story and why they did what they did. I began to understand their own inner child and the issues they never dealt with that spilled over into my life. I began to feel sorry for them and love flooded my heart.
I was then told by God to call my father and apologize to him for all the embarrassment and disrespect  I had caused him. Now you may say here that he should be the one apologizing, but we are to Honor our parents no matter what and I loved my dad in spite of his challenges.
So I called my dad. As I began to explain the dream to him over the phone he burst out into a wail and started weeping. He admitted that he had made a vow to go to the grave in unforgiveness towards me concerning the last letter I wrote to him about the way he treated my mum. I could hear my mum in the background urging me to ask for his forgiveness. They were coming over the following month from Africa to visit us so he wanted to discuss the letter in person. So I said my apologies and hung up the phone. I was shocked! I had no idea my dad had felt so much offence over the letter I wrote telling him about all I thought had happened in our home. He was going to proclaim a curse on me before he died .
God loved me so much he kept reminding me in my recurring dream that I had unresolved issues with my father but I was so blind I could not see it. Thanks to the persistence of the dream I finally got the picture and obeyed the spirit's leading.
My parents came the following month and I had to kneel down to beg my dad and apologize for all the disrespect I had caused him. Funny how life works. It was my mother supporting him all the way and urging me to bow down and touch his knee and apologize to him. I did and all the issues came flooding to the surface for my dad. He burst out weeping uncontrollably for some time and after all this he died about a month or so later. I had the opportunity to clean up my act thanks to God's grace and the crazy over the top dreams to get my attention. So I reconciled with my dad and the dreams ended. My point for sharing this is to tell you that I know how difficult this process can be and sometimes the people who hurt you cannot be reached and you still have to go through the process of explaining to them what they did and how it affected you in detail.

This is to give you closure on the matter. They may seem to have gotten away with it but a vindictive attitude does not grant you your peace and joy back but keeps you locked in a very dark prison of hate and anger. Releasing them helps you heal up and move on. Amazingly God also healed the hearts of my mum and siblings and ignored vows made in ignorance.He transformed broken hearts into joyous ones. You have heard that karma is a bitch so let the Lord take care of the rest. You concentrate on your heart and health and what goes around will come around on their doorstep. I am a strong believer in whatever one sows one will reap so I know all is not lost. There is a universal karmic Judge who deals with all these things and does it far much better than we can possibly do in the area of vengeance and all that sort of thing. So let us concentrate of seeking and pursuing inner peace.
 You see, because of my childhood experiences I will get irritated every time my husband was looking at or chatting with another woman because I had developed a suspecting mind. Children are so fragile and what we see and experience as children colors our adult world. I had brought this suspect behavior into our marriage unknowingly and God wanted something better for me and I wanted peace at all cost. So it worked out well for me when I finally realized what my dreams were saying and dealt with this situation over 8 years ago. Now I have peace in this area and will apply the same method to every hurt and pain I have carried in my life due to one thing or another. Letting go is so therapeutic and it brings so much joy back into one's life.
I have now developed a method that I have used in several cases with different women who have gone though traumatic experiences and they have all found peace at the end of it and also great release from their pain. If you are interested please send me an email and I will get back to you. Happy chasing!