Owning the Experience - Yes it happened to me

It has been said that hurting people always hurt others. This is because they are responding to situations through the lens of their pain which has lead to them developing the victim mentality and the why me? mindset. 

Our diverse abilities to handle stress and our tendencies to be more or less sensitive makes each of our experiences valid. Because someone was joking does not mean their words did not hurt. Simply dismissing other peoples issues as having no solid foundation for offence does not mean it is not an offence to them. For you, carrying a mountain the size of Kilimanjaro on your back is an issue but to another carrying a small pebble on their back is an equally great issue to them.My point here is when we begin to accept that something is an issue for some body we begin to learn patience, endurance and kindness. We begin to empathise and stop criticizing. 

Most importantly is the issue bearer, the pain feeler the hurt carrier. Sometimes we go through life carrying mountains on our backs and never acknowledging them. We go through the crowd of daily living bumping into everyone and never saying sorry for the mountain that just keep hitting everyone we encounter. Most often we do not even realise we are carrying them or we carry them as a symbol of victimisation. Let everyone know we have been done some misdeed and we deserve to hit everyone with the pain we are carrying. We walk tall with our issue as a trophy or bend down low with the "oh me oh my" attitude. It does not matter how we choose to bear it it is still a burden to us and very unpleasant at that. No one wants to carry such burdens on their backs and most importantly no one asked to carry them. 

No one wants to experience trauma of any form and if they do there is a problem. When you meet people who are living with trauma, sometimes the evidence is glaring and someone might say to them in anger "you have a problem man!".

This is because their attitude is showing them up but they are blinded by their hurt and pain.

God does not want us to hurt so much that we are hurting everything we come in contact with. He loves us and wants us to be whole persons. 

We live in a world where pain and suffering are inevitable and are useful to make us grow. For example If you had to abort a child because you were afraid of what people will say if they realised that you had gotten pregnant at a very inappropriate age or time or for some inappropriate person you will hurt for that unborn child even though you have convinced yourself that it is your body and your right to do as you please. I am not here judging anybody for their experiences but simply pointing out the fact that you will still hurt.

It it important to acknowledge the experience. Tell yourself the truth. Don't push it deep inside as it will eat you up. If you own up to the experience and how you feel about it you have just switched on the light in a very dark room. Sometimes the problem is finding the switch. the room is dark with the pain and bitterness and anger and we have to grope around it searching for the light. Jesus said "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, you will find rest for your souls"

Sometimes in saying the word "Help" in your mind if you cannot speak out is still a good beginning. Tears streaming from your eyes and swallowing deeply you have just acknowledged that you don't want this darkness and pain any more. Its time to seek help.

Start from yourself. Its time to revisit the actual situation and see it just as it is. Just as it happened; the before, during and after and observe without judgement all the different emotions that you went though. 

Yes it happened. It happened. It happened. There is no need here blaming yourself by thinking if you had just done this or that it would not have happened. It happened and there was nothing you could have done about it and there is nothing you could do about it now to stop the occurrence. Asking the question why it happened to you has not helped you got over the pain. It has just intensified it. I know that there are things I have experienced that I do not wish on my worst enemy so if it did not happen to you would you have wished it to happen to another? No. Life happens and sometimes it looks and feels ugly and cruel and painful and confusing and down right evil. But wow there is the other side of life and it is beautiful and peaceful and calm and that you were born to experience. It is a place of growth and knowledge and self love and respect and self acceptance and deep forgiveness of self and others. A place of standing on top of the mountain and refusing to ever carry it on your back again. Of seeing the horizon from its peak and gaining new perspectives. A place of new possibilities and achievements. A place of great potential for greatness. Its time to face the Goliath of your emotion and deal with this once and for all. You are now the David and all you have with you are a few stones and a sling and a changeless and loving God who is ready to bring you to a place of complete healing and rest. Victory is guaranteed if you are willing to use the resources you have been provided with. Are you ready?

Identifying trauma causing insidents

How trauma is caused. How Issues arise!

In our last discussion we began to identify the origins of trauma. As promised we will be identifying some causes that lead to the effect of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Depending on how an individual handles a situation will result in whether it becomes viewed as a traumatic experience. There are many traumatic situations by the general definition of the shock to the system but the capability of the individual to cope with it will determine whether it results into an issue or not.

Here are common situations that can lead to a traumatic or can't cope situations. Bear in mind that sometimes all it takes is a straw to break the camel's back. So even though someone is very good at coping with stress  the situation, timing and weight of one more event may tip them over and cause them to loose their strength.

Take a look at all these examples and if you have experienced any, begin to examine how you have coped with each of them. If whilst you are reading them you begin to feel like you are panicking, or you feel hurt, resentful, bitter or afraid or shameful then you have issues. Welcome to the club of issue bearing individuals. We are here to help you put them down and experience inner healing and  peace.

Things that can cause a traumatic experience are 

1. Betrayal
2. Abuse - sexual, physical, mental and emotional
3. Motor Accident
4. Plane crash
5. Divorce
6. Loss of a loved one
7. Bullying
8. Fear
9. Disappointment
10. War
11. Rejection
12. Discrimination
13. Financial ruin
14. Violence

Although the list is not exhaustive many people can relate to some of the above. All of these cause a shock to our system and release stress hormones which are unhealthy for the body and we literally start breaking down. Our cells become worn out and we feel tired, frustrated and in unimaginable physical and emotional pain. If anyone tells you that you can find peace  again they will sound like they are talking nonsense. Our bodies release pain and fatigue as it tries to return us back to the former status quo. Sometimes it succeeds. Our bodies and mind are very cleverly designed. When we have experienced something that  it cannot bring us back to our original state as before, it creates a pseudo persona to cope with the situation. We are kind of put into this self hypnotism where we kind of forget for some time the experience and seem to return back to the status quo. But do we really ever return to that?

No. the experience is buried in our subconscious mind and it pretends to forget it until a trigger happens. A trigger is anything that forces us to remember that incident or relieve it in full. We get into a tailspin. We become irritable. Some people cry and behave like children others get aggressive or angry and others simply run away. All of this is our attempt at resolving the trauma. 

Here are a list of things we all do to deal with bad experiences.

1.  Denial
2. Anger
3. Grief
4. Obsession 
5. Manipulation
6. controlling
7. Seductive
8. Flirting
9. Sadness
10. Depression
11. Eating disorders
12. Violence
13. Mood swings
14. Silence
15. Talkative
16. Excessive Shopping
17. Abuse of drug and alcohol
18. Suicide
19. Murder
20. Self harm
21. Over niceness
22. Push Boundaries
23. Rebel
24. Paranoia
25. Create Invisible friends and situations to which we react as if they are normal

When we begin to display any of the above, we have developed PTSD. This can start from a very mild situation that is almost normal to the extreme situation that we become psychologically and emotionally imbalanced and need medical help. We may function as normal individuals but become completely different when we sense a trigger coming on. We are not happy and definitely have no peace. We use the above to cope. Our life becomes one of coping and enjoying the everyday life is a distant wish which we do not think can ever happy to us.

We carry our issues into adulthood, marriage, employment, business and every activity we are involved in. People learn to cope with us or walk away. We remember the event as if it was yesterday and we either want to keep this state of being or we want to erase it completely from our memory.